Saturday, October 31, 2009

I hate college.

UGGGGHHHHHH!!! whyyyy!? Failing Nursing101 badly and heard it from my parents. =(

I'm gonna be gone for a minds just not gonna get off school and I'm officially on lock down mode at home.

But fridays..thats a different story. ;)


Okay so I found time to update..moms kinda calmed down about the grades. I need to get it together and buckle down cause this is getting crazy, I never fail! =(

Anyway, it's amazing how things can change at the blink of an really. But change can be good and bad. Right now? A little of both. This change allows me to focus on what I should've focused on in the first place. Me. Get my head together and sort everything out. Some people are back in my life and it feels kinda good. It's an uneasy feeling but..I can deal. Can't get used to it though cause I know this is just temporary which is what makes me feel a little weird.

I missed ya...kinda. ;)

"You said let go but I kept hangin' on, inside I know it's over, you're really gone." -M. Carey.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


I've been trying to study for my test for the past hour but it's kinda hard to concentrate with an empty feeling. I tried texting 38402384 people to maybe fill it up, didn't work. I tried watching tv to get my mind off of it, didn't work. I tried clearing my head with music, didn't work. It's hard to sit alone and think about everything. Things happen for a reason right? I hope something good comes out of this cause it's definitely not worth it. It's the day after that sucks the most..then after that you take it a day at a time and eventually start to smile. But for now..I'll fake it.

Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. I'm never perfect no matter what anyone says. I make the same mistakes over and over again when I don't mean it but no one understands. I understand now that sometimes it's good to settle for complete imperfection than to try and look for perfection in anyone.

Bottom line? I've hit rockbottom for the second time in my life. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like maybe sleeping and never waking up is a good choice. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like things arn't going to get any better. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like I can't be alone for a quick second or else I'd think about everything. But I'm young, I already know I'm gonna be going through this so much more than just twice. And once you've hit rockbottom, there's no where to go but up from here. My savior is right infront of me, I just gotta realize it.

"You haven't hit rockbottom, your on my shoulders at rockbottom. I'll always be here for you."-Sam.
"Do what truly makes you happy. You deserve it."-Marylou
"I can't stand to see you hurt."-Drew
"Turn hurt into motivation, it will make you stronger."-AJ.

God will hear my problems tonight, most def.