Thursday, December 24, 2009
My life made a serious 180, don't ask me what happened cause I honestly don't know how or why. I ruined a relationship (even though he says I didnt) and ruined something that was good for me? I really don't know where my life is headed in the love category but right now..like what Ateh Carol said.."You arn't getting any younger, choose now..if you want a long lasting relationship, take things slow" So I decided to make a pact with one of my besties, school will be our main focus in 2010..boys? It's whatever. Whatever happens, happens, but we both refuse to get hurt..Period.
Someone tell me.. At what point does one need to realize that they need to stop being upset cause they're hurting someone else and realize they're hurting themselves more? (Make sense?)
Time to put "love" on the backburner and enjoy the company that comes around.
Nowplaying: One Less Lonely Girl -Justin Bieber (He's whack but I love this song lol.)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Everyone strives to be that perfect couple. I honestly don't think ANYONE can look me dead in the face and say "we don't try to be perfect" because I admit I want to have that perfect relationship. People fail to realize that perfect relationships are boring and it will get you no where. Don't sit here and tell ME that it isn't true cause I've been in a seemingly "perfect relationship" and it just was not worth it. You miss the imperfection in a person. So yeah, girls always want something they can't have..and in my case? It's true. I wanted perfection so much that once I thought I had it, I wanted to go back to the one person who was completely imperfect.
Does anyone realize that when you see a perfect couple...that couple always tends to end early? Why? Don't ask me cause I don't know, I just like stating the obvious hehe. But from personal experience, working hard to achieve perfection is always better than having perfection in your hands. When a couple always has issues and end up breaking up..I think it's not because of all the fighting, but the emotions just weren't strong enough to overcome that one obstacle. Sometimes separation is okay though because it makes one realize what he or she is missing and when they get reunited..it feels great.
Where am I in this? I'm a part of the problem couple. I'll be the first to admit that I've never had a perfect relationship since 2007 and I was pretty good at pretending I had one. But look at us now, we are unstoppable. The problems make us stronger and now nothing can take me away. So the next time you fight with your significant other always remember...
"The 'perfect couple' ends so fast but the 'problem couple' is always the one that lasts."
Unless you just hate that person then maybe its time to call it quits hehe. =P
NowPlaying:: If This Isn't Love -Jennifer Hudson
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Bio206-Things are slowly coming together, final practical on friday, on the "pee system" and the "sex system" it shouldn't be too bad. I'm pretty upset that learning about sex gives me constant headaches. LMAO! I took my last in-class today aaannnndddd I got a 10 out of 10! So now I just have to study my butt off for the lecture exam.
Nursing101-Still biting me in the butt...I just found out the test is cumulative, and my professor didn't do a good review so....Good luck to me, it's gonna be a looong weekend.
English134-The user's manual is finished and easy to read, there's only one issue, I forgot to put 'deleting photos' in there. Hopefully my professor won't notice.
Art101-I can't stand that class but the final seems fun, we're gonna play a game! O_O
Christmas is right around the corner, I don't want much but when I made a Christmas list....it was pretty long lol. Someone buy me either a TWLOHA shirt or a bunch of "I <3 BOOBIES" (it's a movement for breast cancer lol.) bracelets!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
School is kicking me in the ass right now and I haaaaate it, since when do I actually struggle this much to keep my grades up? Neeeeever.
Biology2060- Cause of this class I officially HATE 200 level classes, and what sucks is, I'm stuck taking them. I have a 79.1% in the class, and I have two weeks to pull it up, I have to get 166 out of a possible 200 points to get ATLEAST an 80. This is ridiculous. I have a headache just thinking about how I'm gonna get this grade up. But I'll find a way to pull through, I always do lol.
Nursing1010-69.2 .......daaaaaaaamn. ................daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. That's upsetting. But I'll get a C..it's just not that very good if I'm trying to get into the Nursing Program..Looks like I gotta turn to my mentor, who's gonna be pretty upset but I need encouraging words from someone who knows how that program works.
English134- I hate group projects..I'm stuck with a piece-o-shit group minus my friend Melissa lol but whatever, 2 more classes and I am doooone! Got a B in that class probably so I guess thats good.
Art101- The class is so stupid I don't even want to talk about it. I told my mother, and I quote "When the fcuk am I ever gonna use arthistory in the hospital!? NEVER! No patient is gonna ask me how an artist felt while painting shit. WHAT THE FCUK?! THAAAATS DUMB AND POINTLESS!" And mother dearest just shook her head lol.
Other than school, life is...unreal...it's like beyond unreal at this point. We'll see where this goes.
Currently listening to: AJ and Aisha talk about nothing LMAO. Sorry, I usually listen to music buuut not tonight.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
143102207637= It's no longer just a bunch of numbers.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Now I know why you said you just weren't right for me. If I knew I was gonna go through this, honestly I would've never fallen or better yet, let this happen. For once I can't put my emotions in words. And I sit and wonder when exactly "Josie's happiness" will return cause by the looks of it, shit just won't go back to normal. No more trying to get my hopes up cause honestly theres no point. This is why I was always pessimistic, because optimism always bites me in the ass. From this point on, I'll just always have my guard up cause there's no point in putting it down if someones gonna crush you in the long run. Not fucking worth it.
Hangin with Sam tomorrow and hopefully Thanksgiving dinner with the Featherstones? We'll see.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Person 1. Stop being overly dramatic! Like really? It's not that fucking serious, I told you what the easy solution to your fucking issue is but you still wanna make shit seem like it's a date. How many mother fucking times do I have to fucking turn your dumbass down til' you realize I DON'T LIKE YOU, NEVER DID LIKE YOU AND I NEVER WILL FUCKING LIKE YOU! I'm just irritated with all your whack ass jokes, and how hard you fucking try, its just so stupid. Leave me alone.
Person 2. Stop acting like you still mean a lot to me. Cause I don't give two shits what the fuck you do with your life. Don't you get it?! UGH. Stop spying on me, cause all the shit that I say on this blog and my twitter are NOT about you. (except for this lol.) You were never that fucking important. And I was stupid to even think you were. Stop trying cause you'll never get SHIT back. I've been trying so fucking hard to be patient with you and my patience is running on thin ice. GET A FUCKING LIFE AND STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHATS GOING ON IN MINE!!!!!!!!
Currently listening to:: Playing God.mp3 -Paramore.
(BTW to mAb..Playing God is better than the rest.)
Friday, November 13, 2009
"Love is the movement. Rescue is possible."
Anyway...I was looking around on itunes for some songs to download. Came across one song that describes exactly how I'm feeling. It makes me realize that the future? It's gone, its no longer set in stone. The dreams? All broken. And like he says...I'm broken. But no one can ever take yesterday away from me.
"They can take tomorrow and the plans we made, they can take the music that we'll never play, all The broken dreams, take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday, they Can take the future that we'll never know they can take the places that we said we will go, all The broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday" Yesterday-Leona Lewis.
I'm sorry for all the emo blogs haha!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
*School still sucks..got a labpractical monday...must start studying now. I stayed in class to focus on my work today and my whole lab table bailed on me LMAO. Oh well, I think it's better if I work by myself anyway. I think I'm taking the right steps to get my grades up.
*I personally do not like to express any type of emotion to others. I'd rather be called heartless than to have someone think I'm overly sweet and get walked on, it's sounds so wrong but it's the only way to make sure everyone knows I'm okay. I hate how sometimes my emotions decide to make a special appearance infront of the people who need to see it. I hate how I can't put in words exactly what I miss, what I love and what I need in a person. I wish I could cause maybe..just maybe, you'd know exactly whats going through my head and have you actually understand. If I could..I'd go back in time to just change everything. I know, I know...no regrets right? But it's hard. I hate walking around and everything I see just reminds me of a certain happy moment, a certain fight, a certain situation that I know I would want to tell my kids (if I even have kids LMAO) about. I can't move on, and I can't go back..so I shall remain neutral. Do what exactly makes me happy for the moment. (I think I said something about that in my blog before this.) If it hurts me in the future...at this point all I'll have to say is "Oh well..".
Maybe one day you'll see exactly just what I mean, that it isn't the moments that I miss, it isn't the moments that I loved..but it's you. But once again, I refuse to get hurt. I'll try my hardest to keep my wall up.
Saviour.mp3 -Lights :: Story of my life.
Monday, November 9, 2009
It's hard to move on and tell everyone else you have when obviously you keep coming back. Reminds me of the movie One More Chance (Tagalog movie lol). As much as you try to move on, when you see the person that you just love to be around, others don't matter. It's a weird feeling, a feeling that I personally don't want to have but when the other person has moved on what's is the point in trying to stay and wait? There is none. But something in the back of my head is telling me to just stay. I refuse to get hurt by anyone else anytime soon, I refuse to give someone a shattered heart and expect them to fix it. It never works out. I don't like to see my 3 main besties try hard to keep a smile on my face, I hate being vulnerable so I'll probably never allow myself to have emotions infront of anyone. I have to learn how to love myself before I can ever love anyone else unconditionally, which will take a whole lot of work. I'm turning into a heartbreaker and I refuse to break anymore.
The end. =)
Friday, November 6, 2009
*Pinas this January!!!! =D So much to update my cousins about, it's kinda sad cause the update isn't really good news. But, knowing them, they'll support me either way.
*School still sucks. I love the people I spend the days with, just not the work that comes along with it. I officially hate Nursing101 and I hate 200 level courses. Smh. About to buckle down and study starting monday cause this stress is getting crazy.
*Hecka goodnews?! After exactly one month, my baby Ava is finally home from the "hospital" I call Collision Worx LMAO! Seeing my car looking spotless after that crash was just great..first thing I did when I saw it? Hug it and kiss it lol. I planned on cleaning her as soon as I got her back but they cleaned her for me! =) But when I went to work with it the next day I found out my headlight was out so I got that fixed today and now I just gotta get my wheels aligned and my car will be problem free. I saw all the damages I did....daaaaaamn. Fucked up the whole AC and heater LMAO. Sorry Ava..never again! =)
*Woaaaahhh talk about suprises, whoever thought this would happen? No one. I dunno where this is gonna go honestly but I'll just go with the flow. I want to be the one that changes you're opinion on certain things, I don't know if that will happen but we'll see. Slow is the key. But sacrificing friendships for this is pretty scary. I like it. ;)
PS: You're "absentmindedly making me want you." ;)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
I'm gonna be gone for a while..my minds just not gonna get off school and I'm officially on lock down mode at home.
But fridays..thats a different story. ;)
Okay so I found time to update..moms kinda calmed down about the grades. I need to get it together and buckle down cause this is getting crazy, I never fail! =(
Anyway, it's amazing how things can change at the blink of an eye..like really. But change can be good and bad. Right now? A little of both. This change allows me to focus on what I should've focused on in the first place. Me. Get my head together and sort everything out. Some people are back in my life and it feels kinda good. It's an uneasy feeling but..I can deal. Can't get used to it though cause I know this is just temporary which is what makes me feel a little weird.
I missed ya...kinda. ;)
"You said let go but I kept hangin' on, inside I know it's over, you're really gone." -M. Carey.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. I'm never perfect no matter what anyone says. I make the same mistakes over and over again when I don't mean it but no one understands. I understand now that sometimes it's good to settle for complete imperfection than to try and look for perfection in anyone.
Bottom line? I've hit rockbottom for the second time in my life. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like maybe sleeping and never waking up is a good choice. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like things arn't going to get any better. Yes, it's the second time I've felt like I can't be alone for a quick second or else I'd think about everything. But I'm young, I already know I'm gonna be going through this so much more than just twice. And once you've hit rockbottom, there's no where to go but up from here. My savior is right infront of me, I just gotta realize it.
"You haven't hit rockbottom, your on my shoulders at rockbottom. I'll always be here for you."-Sam.
"Do what truly makes you happy. You deserve it."-Marylou
"I can't stand to see you hurt."-Drew
"Turn hurt into motivation, it will make you stronger."-AJ.
God will hear my problems tonight, most def.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I hate everything that I have to go through. Sometimes I think that staying where I was before all of this and dealing with the unhappiness was what I should've done. But that's just not right, its not fair. I have to find my own happiness but do I feel like I have to throw away 2 years of my life? Yes. But, I can't think of it that way. I have to think about what exactly I learned from this. I learned that lying is just not worth it and you'll never know exactly who your hurting when you do it. I learned that ones own happiness is always first, but being absolutely selfish is not a good thing. And lastly? I learned that relationships are full of sacrifices, if one is not willing to sacrifice something for the one they love. Then it's never worth it.
You would think after learning all of that I'd look forward to the future and what lies ahead right? No. Not dwelling on the past is always.. easier said than done.
Friday, August 28, 2009
For anyone else who thinks seeing someone else be happy is good enough..stop yourself right now, and get out. Cause its not worth it.
And remember.. everyone can change as long as they're WILLING to do so.. or even CARE enough to do so.
Fuck you..your garbage.
Thanks for listening. =)
Monday, August 17, 2009
What happens when you realize your just unhappy with everything after people have told you, you need to stick up for yourself and just leave? You leave. Never felt soo much pain rush inside me so fast in so long. I thought I had it good...and seeing him happy was good enough for me. But someone running in to make you realize that its not good enough is a good and a bad thing. Your left stuck...thinking about who and what to choose..thinking about all the consequences. And when you choose one..you think about what could've happened if you chose the other. I chose the other...and now sitting here hurting over the one thing that was my everything for the past...almost 2 years..the good? I get my head cleared. But thats not that good.. I may have a clear head but one thing is for sure...I'll never forget you...and at this point I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you.
Make the tears stop.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
I don't know what I'm gonna do for my birthday, probably something simple like..go to the movies or something. I work the day of my birthday, but there's the day after to do anything. =)
Anyway the title of this blog is twitter and skype for a reason.
The bf got me into the skype..only had like 2 friends at first and it went up to 5 oOoOoOo -_- lol but Skype is pretty awesome I think it's better than AIM..the video chat doesn't lag or anything...so if you have skype..add me =) supersno0k.
And there's twitter...I didn't want to have a twitter at first cause I was scared I wouldn't have any followers at all, but I ended up getting it..and I barely have any followers now but oh well...its pretty addicting... I'm following Tila tequila..aaannd she tweets like every 2 minutes...it's getting kinda annoying...
Got twitter? Follow me. =) www.twitter.com/supersno0k
About to get ready for six flags...for only like 4 hours though, but it's better than nothing. I'll post pics later. =)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Marcus put a whole new twist on "No way Jose" and now its "No way Jo-zay" wack..I know. =)
I told Kyley I have a new polka dot fetish and she told me she has a "Josie's clothes fetish" meaning..I won't have any clothes and my purse will be missing the next time she steps foot in Maryland...that won't be pretty.
Lagging on the personal summer reading cause I haven't read in a while BLAH!
Got the sheet music to Halo and Mad...hmm...we'll see how that goes haha.
A while back I said "Love isn't about finding a perfect person but seeing an imperfect person perfectly." And I guess I'm not doing that in a sense? No one is ever perfect but seeing an imperfect person perfectly is kinda hard. Having your guard up and keeping them up is hard too. I don't know.
Peaceout Boy&&girl Scouts. =)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
It's the Nikon L100 and it's gorgeous. Love at first sight I swear =) Told my mother "I don't care about the TV or the ipod touch for my birthday..just buy me this!" And I doubt I'm gonna get it, but I just wanted to show you guys how beautiful it is. It's my dream camera no doubt.
So anyway, I got more RAM added to my piece-o-shit laptop cause my netbook doesn't have a video card to actually play Sims3 and I can actually play it, but it freezes like after 15 minutes of playing..it wasn't updated so maybe that's why. I hope it works.
Started my personal summer reading and I'm only on chapter 2 of the first book =(
Along with that, personal stuff has just been irking my nerve lately..sooo that's the update on this boring life of mine.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Another school related blog, sorry guys the blogs with stuff about school will end after this one I promise =)
Okay, so anyway, today was the day I drive up to school just to register for nursing101 and I was able to with flying colors. I went up to the advising office to figure out the exact reason why I couldn't register for nursing101 online, turns out the advising office has to look at all of my grades to see if there's a chance that I can make it into the program, and if I can't then there's no point in taking nursing101. Get it? It's kinda confusing. But luckily I've been getting As and Bs (mostly Bs though hehe.) in all of my classes and I'm taking A&P2 in the fall so I was eligible to take the class.
As far as being in the Nursing Program by itself is concerned, apparently I have a better chance than all these other students. Being "ahead in the game" and being told I am is the best feeling in the world. Trust me. =)
So the school related stuff is over now..time for the not so boring stuff lol. So the boyfriend starts school (Okay so it's not over lol.) on Monday and I decided to occupy myself with a personal summer reading. 4 books..
Harry Potter: And The Order of The Phoenix
Harry Potter: And The Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter: And The Deathly Hallows
That's a whole lot of reading but it will keep my mind off the fact that he's in school lol!
Oh yeah! My mom has this rule where I only can go out once a week, and I went out last night. Let me remind you I went out the day before I popped my blogs cherry, guess that rule went out the window LOL! Here's pics, enjoy.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
So today I had work (bleehhh) and before this wack manager came in a customer came by acting all friendly..then throws out the "Can I have your number?" line out. Like what? No. I have a ring on my left ring finger for a reason homie. Don't try it. What I don't understand is why do these random "HOLLA-ers" assume that if they ask a random girl for her number, she'll give it to them? Does she look that easy? Honestly? Mmmm. Think I'm easy? Naw slim. Got me confused with some other short asian. HA!
Anyway, so today when I got online I checked my grade right. And saw my grade for my final lecture exam and my final lab practical. Got a 77. Then for my overall grade I got a 79. So when I checked my transcript grade, I got a B. My professor was nice enough to give me that one point..ahhh the advantages of being a suck up. =) That one B just reassures me that nursing is just what I was born to do. I sound like such a nerd! hehe.
Okay this blog is kinda wack haha. I'll edit this with some pics in a few. =)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Okay, so, I hate being responsible sometimes! =( I have to sign up for my classes before I accept my financial aid award letter and what not and when I click register what happens? It says I have to petition first before I can take Nursing101. What? I'm a petitioner as it is..what more do they want me to do? So now I have to waste my gas to go to exit 15! Just to figure out an issue over one class. WACK! Then when I finally get to register I have to go back to turn in the award letter and the thing I have to fill out with it. BOOO!
And I also realized..my grades are slippin', which is not cool in the rules and regulations for Josie handbook. I went from a 3.4 to a 3.13 on my unofficial transcript? Unacceptable! Okay so it's UNofficial..but..that UN doesn't exist to me. This fall o9 semester the goal is 4.0..I've never gotten it before but I'm gonna work my ass off to get it now.
Okay..so on another note..went to the harbor with my 102207 yesterday. It was awesome, now I have to be lonely for a while cause College Park likes taking boyfriends apparently. =( But heres just one pic that I love so much from yesterday...enjoy.
Welp this is pretty long now. Goodbye loves. =)